Democrat AG Dana Nessel, who literally promoted her lack of a penis as a reason to vote for her in 2018, became so intoxicated at the MSU-UM game that she was removed from the stadium in a wheelchair.
The lawless MI attorney general attempted to get out ahead of the humiliating news about her childish behavior by making an “official statement” on her Facebook Page.
Nessel’s Facebook statement:
MY OFFICIAL STATEMENT ON “TAILGATE-GATE”
My staff has pleaded with me to hire a crisis-management PR firm for an incident that occurred on 10/30 at the UM/MSU football game. Instead, I thought I would just share the events which transpired that fateful day.
Before the big game, I attended a tailgate on an empty stomach. Much to my surprise, MSU tailgate’s tend to have more alcohol than food, so I thought it seemed like a good idea to eat 2 Bloody Mary’s, since as long as you put enough vegetables in them, it’s practically a salad. As it turned out, this was not a brilliant idea. Also, I might be a terrible bartender.
I proceeded to go to the game (which I’m told Michigan definitely won!) and started to feel ill. I laid low for a while, but my friends recommended that I leave so as to prevent me from vomiting on any of my constituents (polling consistently shows “Roman showers” to be unpopular among most demographics).
I had a few folks help me up the stairs and someone grabbed a wheelchair so as to prevent me from stumbling in the parking lot. Like all smart people attending festivities where drinking occurs, I had a designated driver. I went home, fell asleep on the couch, and my wife threw some blankets on me and provided me with some water and Tylenol for what she knew would be a skull-crushing hangover the next day. (Best wife ever!)
So there. That’s the scandalous tale of the events which transpired at Tailgate-Gate. (Also at some point it seemed like a good idea to make the governor take a picture with Ron Weiser. Sorry Governor!). Just so one doesn’t have to imagine what this scene might have looked like, I’ve attached this handy photo.
Normally I would ask my trusted friend and communications savant Kelly Rossman-McKinney for advice on how to best handle this crisis, but she died last night, so I can’t.
I am human. Sometimes I screw up. This was definitely one of those times. My apologies to the entire state of Michigan for this mishap, but especially that Michigan fan sitting behind me. Some things you can’t un-see.
From now on, I pledge never to drink on an empty stomach, and definitely never to have another Bloody Mary. Cause it’s gonna take a while to get that taste out of my mouth.
Sorry to all the people who have supported me for letting you down. I will try to do better.
Trump-endorsed, Constitutional Attorney Matt DePerno, who’s running as a Republican in Michigan’s primary election for Attorney General, brilliantly trolled the lawless attorney general with this hilarious video to the tune of Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing”:
I'm still standing pic.twitter.com/ur1HaPHQRL
— Matthew S. DePerno, Esq. (@mdeperno) November 12, 2021
You’ve gotta love the closing shot of Mr. DePerno drinking a Bloody Mary as he reads the United States Constitution.