On Saturday, a billboard mocking woke airlines like Southwest appeared just ahead of April Fools Day, along I-35 South of Fort Worth. The satirical billboard ad featured a fake company called Southwoke.
The billboard’s tag phrase says “Bringing San Francisco’s baggage To Texas non-stop,” and features depictions of Southwest Airlines CEO Robert Jordan and Board of Directors members David Biegler, Nancy Loefler, Gary Kelly, and Veronica Biggins in drag attire.
The billboard also includes the website Southwoke.com. The website takes the mockery further, featuring graphics that say, “Southwoke Airlines: you are now free to move about your gender.”
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The site also poked fun at the leftist’s hatred toward anyone who does not embrace their ideology,
“Southwoke: An airline that’s inclusive of everyone except you.”
Southwoke’s announcement section said that they had hired Sam Brinton as baggage specialist. Brinton, while working for the Biden administration, also specialized in stealing other passengers’ luggage when he took a flight. A fashion designer found out who stole her bags after seeing a post of Brinton in one of her outfits.
My name is Asyakhamsin tanzanian fashion designer based in houston Texas USA 🇺🇸 I lost my bag 2018 in DCA recently I heard the news on @FoxNews about @sambrinton luggage issue surprisingly I found his images wore my custom made outfitswhich was in the lost bag on 2018 pic.twitter.com/lJwLHtMJlz
— asyakhamsin (@asyakhamsin1) February 20, 2023
Their announcement called Brinton “The Snatcher” and said:
DALLAS – As part of our restructuring plan to bring San Francisco values to Texas, Southwoke Airlines is pleased to announce that Sam Brinton has been hired to serve as our new baggage czar, effective immediately.
Known affectionately by law enforcement, TSA, and baggage handlers as “The Snatcher,” Brinton comes to Southwoke with an impressive resume that includes several successful baggage heists at some of the busiest airports in the U.S. A former nuclear energy official in the Biden Administration and LGBTQ+ puppy play kink fetishist, Brinton was selected for their unique skillset, which Southwoke believes will revolutionize the Dallas-based airlines’ baggage handling capabilities.
According to a statement released by Southwoke CEO Bob Jordan, the decision to hire The Snatcher was made after an exhaustive search for a candidate who could help the airline tackle its ongoing baggage handling challenges.
“We are thrilled to welcome The Snatcher to our team,” said Jordan. “His expertise in luggage acquisition and distribution is unmatched, and we believe he has what it takes to lead our baggage handling operations to new heights as we work to bring more of San Francisco’s baggage to the Lone Star State.”
When reached for comment, The Snatcher expressed their excitement about their new role, saying that they were looking forward to “putting my skills to use to bring more of San Francisco’s baggage to Texas.”
The site also featured a message from the Southwoke CEO President conveying their commitment to woke values and “every trendy woke acronym or hashtag you can think of.”
The page promises to uphold woke values for Texans no matter the cost, noting that Americans have to make sacrifices to protect woke values. The website pokes at Southwest, pointing out recent issues the airline has had, including leaving thousands stranded over the holidays:
“We promise to invest where it matters most: In DEI, ESG, BLM, LGBTQ+ initiatives… and to do so even when it hurts. That may mean we have to delay investments in things like flight scheduling hardware upgrades, but we believe signaling our woke virtues is that important.
We promise to do this, even if it risks the cancellation of tens of thousands of flights over important holidays such as Christmas or New Year’s. Southwoke believes all Americans have to make sacrifices to protect woke values, and sometimes that includes our customers.”
In the “about us” section, the airline states, “We pride ourselves in contributing to the overall cancel culture by canceling flights at the last minute without explanation,” and continued, “we believe in sharing your luggage with other passengers.”
In 2022, during the holidays, Southwest canceled over 16,000 flights across the country, costing the company over $220 million. And in 2021, thousands of flights were short on staff after the airline implemented a vaccine mandate and lost workers unwilling to sacrifice their bodily autonomy.