It Snowed Last Night
I made a snowman.
A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
So, I made a snow woman.
My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned that it could have been two snow men instead.
The transgender man..women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.
The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women only in a domestic role.
The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
TV news crew showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied “Snowballs?” and am now called a sexist.
I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.